What I want from a president is legalized and unionized prostitution, free tacos and pizza, affordable healthcare, faster go carts, awesome weather all year round, more driving ranges, more shooting ranges, more boobs in movies, better education and last but not least… TOTAL GLOBAL WARFARE! Ok, just kidding about that last part but more water parks would be great too.
A list of 30 things that are attainable for 2012:
Inspired by mattysoftmitts, I just made my New Year’s resolution. Here is… A list of 30 things that are attainable for 2012: 1. Read twitter less. 2. Make a list. 3. Buy shoes. 4. Stop wearing glasses. 5. Post more pictures on tumblr. 6. Name my couch. 7. Answer my phone. 8. Learn how to type. 9. Be nice (every eighth moon). 10. Pronounce Adele “jalapeño popper.”...
I really like Jason Sudeikis. I’d almost say I love Jason Sudeikis. Jason Sudeikis would probably be a fun guy to go to Hooters with. I wouldn’t even care if Jason Sudeikis was having a bad hair day. I’d totally get some wings with Jason Sudeikis at Hooters.
So I have a couple tweet ideas in my draft folder and now we do the mash up of what I have. Almost stabbed a guy lottery because I’m black, right? I’m getting it how I live with two Chinese guys fighting make a movie. Lose something? Try retracing your steps pregnant women have the best jazz hands. IM FUCKING AWESOME
Candy Heart Rejects Rejects
Here are all the #CandyHeartRejects tweets that didn’t make it yesterday: Picasso’s Blue Period #CandyHeartRejects Fix your face #CandyHeartRejects This font sucks #CandyHeartRejects Cool story bro #CandyHeartRejects We need to talk :) #CandyHeartRejects Just die already #CandyHeartRejects Sigh #CandyHeartRejects Fine whatever #CandyHeartRejects I shot your...
How am I suppose to get all of these cats from my computer and into my heart?