Don’t ever make the mistake of getting toothpaste in your eye after drinking orange juice.
LET'S GET EMOTIONAL TUMBLR
Hey guys. I’m here to talk about my emotions. It’s not something that I always do. I’m generally just a smart ass who likes to keep things chill and funny. So I try to post things that I think are funny and hope that you do as well. That being said, I don’t like to show my emotions on here (mainly because I don’t have many if any). Anyway, let’s get emotional. Last night I was at my friend’s...
STILL IN BED
Send help, and some nachos. Oh, and naked women too. Thanks!
RANDOM THOUGHTS ON A FRIDAY BECAUSE I HAVEN'T DONE...
Smile. People (potential haters) are watching. If you send me a message on here instead of a question then I probably won’t notice because they’re not showing up on the new iPhone app. I’m going to a house party tonight. My boy Marty and I WILL be doing the Kid N Play dance. This is a fact. In the last few weeks, I’ve only drank one night a week. About a month...
THE MORE YOU KNOW
You know what they say about girls with small hands? They complain about stuff.
My best impressions of Lindsay Lohan come natural to me when enjoying a really thick milkshake.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS ARE EVERYTHING
I think I’m gonna start wearing a green Chicago White Sox hat (sideways) to let people know that I listen to Three 6 Mafia.
ME ME ME
I keep telling myself that the world doesn’t revolve around me, but it’s not working because no one is paying attention to me.
FOOTBALL AND SEX MESSAGING
Just another day at the Brown house.
HOW MUCH MORE TRUTHFUL CAN I GET?
They said dress for the job you want so I started sleeping naked. In the nude. Without any clothes on.
I want to be a college women’s volleyball coach. I’m confident I’d be really good at it. I mean, my dad is a soccer coach and has been my entire life. It’s in my genes to be a coach. Also, the fact that I’m a young guy would help me relate to my players a lot. One of the first things I would do as a coach is play the volleyball scene from Top Gun a few times. Just to get the ladies in the mood...
PEOPLE, AM I RIGHT?
Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than being winked at by a male coworker as if we are both aware of some secret that no one else knows.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT?
Double fisting Dairy Queen oreo blizzards will be my indefinite go-to move in the event of a vegan apocalypse.
"FUCK ME RUNNING"
I really don’t get this phrase. When it’s said properly, I get the context. It’s something along the lines of “well slap me silly.” Wait. That doesn’t make sense either. Why would anyone suggest that someone else slaps them silly? I understand why someone would suggest to be fucked while running because you’re getting a good cardio exercise plus sex at the same time. I think these phrases are...
I LOVE HIP HOP
I would never survive being the one guy in a hip hop group who just walks around yelling things while the other two guys do everything else.
EVERYONE HAS DREAMS, RIGHT?
One of my all time dreams is to land onto a crime scene via helicopter, flash a FBI badge and ask “who’s in charge here?”
SO SO SERIOUS
My ability to concentrate depends solely on how intense I can stare away into nothing while balling my fist under my chin.
My best pep talks come to me when I imagine that I’m Michael Keaton talking to himself in front of a mirror.
YOU KNOW THAT GUY
Who always has to one up everything and everyone? Whether it’s a “psh” followed by a story or even just a (more cockier) “psh” followed by “I’ve seen (done/heard) better.” You know that guy? Now imagine if a group of them were all in the same room/house/whatever together. Can you imagine the stories and tenacity of douchbaggery that would take place? Oh. Em. Gee. It could most definitely make...
fruitlissendeavor asked: Who would you cast as the lead character of Ghost Rider?
Once everyone realizes that the world revolves around me, everything will go a lot smoother for everyone.
WHILE I'M AT IT
On the comic book movie trip, why the fuck did the people who made Ghost Rider cast Nicholas Cage as Ghost Rider? This was so disappointing for me. I hate Nicholas Cage and Ghost Rider was my favorite comic as a kid. I heard a Ghost Rider movie was being made (back when) and I was excited. Then I saw Nicholas Cage was in it. Sigh/ugh. I hate Nicholas Cage enough to type it two times in this...
Can anybody explain to me why exactly (besides money, of course) there’s another Spider Man movie coming out? A movie that’s not a sequel or a prequel? Am I missing something here? Fred? Anyone?
An ass so fine it makes you wanna cry. OR… An ass so fine it brings tears to your eyes. (in case you didn’t know what onion butt is)
kamrabbit asked: Make up a word. Now, give that word a definition.
You ever feel like that person that can never get a word in and once you do, nobody is listening? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller?
THINGS I WONDER WHILE ON FACEBOOK
Why would anyone buy a phone or a keyboard that has no vowels on it?
My dog is sleeping with all of his toys on my bed. My ex used to do the same thing except when she did it, I’d hide in my bathroom and cry.
Thinking about hiring a personal trainer just so someone will call me “babe” a few times a week.
MOVIES AND MUSIC
I bet that right now, at this very moment, Martin Scorsese is thinking about the next movie he can put a Rolling Stones song in.
It’s really a shame that nobody has ever told me how much they love me and how badly they screwed up while I’m trying to board a plane.
IT MUST BE MY LUCKY DAY
Earlier I saw a guy that looked just like 2Pac but when he was 17 and just now at the grocery store I saw a guy that looked like MC Hammer. Shit is crazy yo.
LET'S START SOME DRAMA GUYS
I love big girls. I love small girls. I love girls that are short, tall, medium, skinny, wide, thick, thin, dark hair, light hair, short hair, long hair. I love them all!!! LET’S DO THE DRAMA GUYS!!!
kamrabbit asked: Tell us about your greatest act of retribution.
I have this unexplainable urge to watch the movie Iron Eagle right now. I don’t understand it but I’m tempted to search Netflix for it and reactivate my account. I haven’t seen the movie since I was a kid and I remember wanting to be that kid saving his dad with an older black guy as his mentor. Maybe that explains why I want to watch it now (out of nowhere). Maybe I’m trying to feel like a...
JUST IN CASE YOU GUYS WERE WONDERING
And I know you were, are. I mean are. Red Speedo Monday will be returning tomorrow. I’m deeply sorry that I’ve deprived you of it lately but I promise to bring it back with an extra topping of sexy (sizzle). Also, I’ve really been lacking on my Random Thoughts posts so those will be back very shortly. Maybe even tonight. I guess you could say that my Ambitionz Az A Ridah (2pac)...
I am Seabiscuit.
I’m realizing that I don’t like drinking by myself anymore. I like to get “high” but I don’t do any drugs and alcohol is pretty much the only option that works. I don’t like revealing myself to everyone. I will say that drinking by myself makes me see how unhappy I am. I was very happy some weeks ago but that page has turned. So now, I’m back to not...