LIFE FACT #61,754
Girls seem to take the best self portraits of themselves while driving and yet, can’t take a picture in the mirror without looking at their phone.
IS IT REALLY IRONIC, ALANIS?
You would think that girls named Destiny would be able to predict the future.
YOU EVER WONDER?
How come every actor in an action movie is like a professional driver but has the worst aim when it comes to shooting a gun?
FREEDOM AND BOREDOM
Damn I’m bored. Went to a BBQ thing earlier and didn’t stay too long. It was hot and boring. It was at my friend’s sister’s house across the street from his house. He wasn’t there but my friend Pete was. Plus, there were a bunch of kids and my friend’s family. Now I am home again and so bored. What are you doing? Are you sitting at home as well and hoping the...
JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS
I’ll put down 3-1 odds any day of the week on Tom Selleck’s mustache over Donald Trump’s hair piece in a game of sudoku.
DRUGS MAN, DRUGS
I don’t smoke weed, but I’d love to get high with Samuel L. Jackson just to see how he’d react after I say “what” to every single question.
I’ve never had sex with a bear nor do I want to have sex with a bear or with anyone that has ever had sex with a bear and now I’m afraid that if a girl tells me that she likes to experiment in the bed, that she might’ve had sex with a bear before.
PRO TIP #387
Never mix business with pleasuring an imaginary dolphin.
I know I’m getting older because now my brain hurts anytime I read a word with more than three syllables.