I’m getting to the point of having what feels like an empty soul. What I do have to fill it with isn’t enough anymore. I don’t think it ever was. I’m just really good at not thinking about it, or letting it run my life. I want to have a path of fulfillment but I need someone else for a path to even exist.
It seems that true happiness is not possible all by yourself. At least, not to me. My life feels like it’s been on pause, waiting for someone to press play and join me in creating our own music. A soundtrack for our own movie. Someone to shine a light that glows inside each other without forcing it. An organic arrangement of chance, leading to an eternal feeling of nirvana.
I’m very happy to have the things that I do and I’m grateful for the luxuries that are in my life. I’m just really tired of not having a future to build with someone else. It has been too long to be this alone and it’s starting to feel like a curse. I see those around me that are moving forward within their love and I’m happy for them, but these lonely nights have been taking their toll. A toll that feels like a debt that is becoming a horrifying reality for which I keep denying to secure my sanity.
Life keeps moving and hopefully, one of these days, I will be happy. Until then, I have to keep living without regret and remain hopeful, for I know no other way to live.
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